If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
