I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
nutella sex= disaster
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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