Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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