I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize