oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
