the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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