If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
