Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
