Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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