he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't deserve a penis
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
