I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
