it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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