just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize