First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
