if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
