i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
