If that was your dad, he is hot
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize