I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
