I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
