It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize