You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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