this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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