Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
