so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
