hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize