i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
