I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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