Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
