i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
