i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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