who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
