I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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