just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize