nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
