after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
