I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
