it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
