you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
