You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
