VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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