Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
