So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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