I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
