mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
