Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize