I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
