you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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