i barfeds in our rink
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
