You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
