I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
