saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
