Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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