How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
