my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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