Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize