I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
