apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
