dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need a beard to bite.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize