You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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