please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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