ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
