These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
