Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
