I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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