I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
