Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
