Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
