FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
