Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
