I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
