He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Found the puke drawer
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
