got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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