I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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