Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
