Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
