My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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