Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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