I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
