its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
