Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize