so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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