he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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