But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
