To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize