I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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