He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
