you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize