the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
