Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize