Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
vagina is talking i cant
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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