Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
