im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I could fuck to npr.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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