Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
