Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
