this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
