She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
