do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
