you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
