well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize