his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
