Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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