I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize