So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
