atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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