Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
