im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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