I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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