nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
