I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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