EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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