hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
