My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
