the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
