i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
