...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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