Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
