I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
