I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
