Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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